Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
