My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
