Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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