when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
