We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize