Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
