youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
