I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
