Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize