He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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