Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
