My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
