this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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