I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
