Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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