i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
