PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
