and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
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PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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