dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
