shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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