Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
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Can I color on your dick again?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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