you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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