She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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