Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
