so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
