Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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