I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
