I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
