yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
