You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
