Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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