Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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