"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*