I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.