You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT