Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Randomize
