There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
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His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?