I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
