Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
