highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
