Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
third nipple confirmed
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The power of my boobs compel you
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
