If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
