dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
