his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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