Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
