I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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