Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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