we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
