I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
