you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
