You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize