she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
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He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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