apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Alive.
So much puke
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
