My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
