How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
