before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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