i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Small penises have feelings too.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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