Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
