just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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