There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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