Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
