When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
