She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
