You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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