I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
