He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
