Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
